


Trigger

by GwendolynKlein



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alcohol, Blood and Violence, Body Modification, F/M, Federation-Cardassian-War, Garak is not Gay but pansexual, Genital Piercing, LLF Comment Project, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Nipple Piercings, Past Torture, Piercings, Revenge, Self-Harm, Terok Nor (Star Trek), Tongue Piercings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwendolynKlein/pseuds/GwendolynKlein
Summary: Garak, a pain professional, Jessica, with her very own relationship to pain, coping with guilt with extreme means and humor.
Relationships: Elim Garak/Original Female Character(s), Original Cardassian Male Character/Original Human Female Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

The cleanup on the promenade was almost complete after weeks of chaos, blocked paths and everything with a thin layer of covering dirt. Repair teams took care of the remaining, smaller damage to less important facilities and installed the last wall coverings over formerly ruptured pipes. Life aboard the station normalized noticeably under the Federation's steady hands, and both parties, Bajor and the Federation, struggled to create everyday civilian life on Deep Space Nine.

Heading to his tailoring, Garak passed some newly opened stores. Not all dealers had viewed the change in station management positively, especially those who worked closely with the Cardassian occupiers, and as a result some shops were empty. But new traders were quickly found who were happy to fill these gaps.

Garak was surprised to see the busy activity in the petite shop to the right of his tailoring shop, which had always been orphaned, nobody wanted to be busy next to him, the outlawed Cardassian. Several Bajoran artisans assembled furniture that was parked on the promenade into the room, led by a woman in a dirty and unshapely overalls. She explained where the furniture should be placed, helped with the alignment herself and measured the distances with a laser. Garak paused curiously and watched the unknown woman with long, black hair tied into a practical ponytail. She was not a Bajoran, he found, lacking the typical nose ridge.

The tailor opened the doors of his shop, sorted some clothes from the previous day around on stands and started working. Some orders were waiting to be completed and customers were usually not very patient. Nobody understood nowadays that good handwork took its time.

A few times the tailor heard loud noises from the shop next door, indicating the progress of the work, but he paid no further attention. He preferred to think about information he had received in a way that no one knew he could use, especially not the Obsidian Order. He probably wouldn't get any money for the information this time, but that didn't bother the Cardassian. It could pay off at some point if people in useful positions owed him a favor.

Garak was changing the collar of a new jacket for the bar owner Quark when he nearly dropped tools and jacket in shock. Pulsating boom and roar painfully filled his premises. The volume decreased slowly, finally only a slightly irritating rhythmic stomp was to be heard. He continued his work shaking his head. Maybe he should have a friendly chat with the new neighbor in a not too distant future and welcome her in his exceptional way.

Hours later Garak closed his business premises. The day had been average uneventful for the tailor, and he was looking forward to his nightly reading and a glass of Kanar. With Quark's jacket over his arm, he headed for the bar, already looking forward to the small banter about the payment. Two bottles of Kanar of a superb vintage were agreed, Quark would probably try to lower the price as usual and, as usual, he would charmingly and with a subtle menace undertone in his smile, convince Quark to add another bottle.

His new neighbor was still working. Through the windows he could see her standing on a ladder, hanging up pictures on the wall. As soon as the new shop opened, he would satisfy his curiosity, see what the lady had to offer and, on the occasion, point out the rather thin walls, which do little to dampen the sound.

Quark was in a lively discussion with a Federation technician. Garak had to wait a few minutes, a disgrace to his ears. He didn't like this bar at all. In addition, he had to fight back the Ferengis, who wanted to sweeten the waiting time with Kanar and Dabo girls, of course not at the expense of the house. But finally the universe had an understanding and Quark approached him with his exaggerated business-like friendliness. “Garak, my good friend. I am so happy to finally be able to welcome you back to my humble establishment. You know, I still have this wonderful holo program that I had specially programmed for the cardassian crew at the time. The women are really exquisite, and I am sure you will like the dark haired one… ” The tailor interrupted the annoying babble of the Ferengi by putting on his perfectly rehearsed smile, the broad smile that never reached the eyes and triggered the wish in almost everyone to get to safety. He placed his right one on Quark's chest, just below the throat, and shook his head. “Quark please, you know that I am not receptive to such profane offers. I would prefer if we could do our business as soon as possible, so I could retire to my quarters.”

Garak bowed his head to the side in the cardassian manner, refreshed his smile and handed the new jacket to Quark. The bar owner took the jacket and went around the counter. “So two bottles of Kanar." He muttered dissatisfied. “Even though you were done rapidly. You might think that under these circumstances a bottle is more than enough, it's your favorite vintage, Garak!” The tailor raised his index finger and wiggled it under Quark's nose. “My dear Quark, I know that the value of real handcraft is alien to you, your offer of two bottles was an insult that I only ignored because I hope for a closer business relationship. I obtain three bottles, and if you place a more substantial order, maybe re-equipping your Dabo girls, I will accommodate you with the price.” Garak smiled a little wider now, his head bowed, his eyes glowing in icy blue.

2 Days later

“Good morning, Garak!" Doctor Bashir caught up with him. “May I accompany you a bit, I have to go in the same direction." Garak indicated a slight bow. “Good morning, Doctor. What brings you to the promenade at such an early hour? An emergency?” The tailor knew very well that in an emergency the doctor would not have walked so relaxed next to him. But the young man had a great need to correct the wrong assumption, and to get information it was enough to simply make a wrong thesis.

“But no, Garak, no emergency. I want to pay a medical check-up to the new store that opened next to yours today.” Garak was irritated. “I do not understand, my dear Doctor, to what extent is a business of medical interest to you? It didn't look like a pharmacy was being built there yesterday. ”

The two men already approached their destination and the Cardassian understood the connection between the new business and the doctor's visit.

“Choice of torment” was emblazoned on an illuminated sign above the frosted glass entrance door, which reduced the view inside to a play of light and shadow. The shop window to the left of the door was also replaced with frosted glass and covered with advertising slogans. “Tattoo & Piercing” was there, and “Tooth Modifications”.

“Doctor Bashir, please explain to me, what are “Dermal Implants"? What is the purpose of this business?” “Fashion, Garak, fashion. Come in and have a look at it.” Bashir grinned cheekily at the tailor and reached for the handle.

The interior of the small shop was brightly lit, but indirectly and no light reflected from the many display cases with jewelry and the glass picture frames. Garak recognized various parts of bodies in the pictures, which were decorated with colorful pictures or pierced by metal jewelry. A series of small pictures presented teeth that were sharpened, pierced or decorated with precious stones. He tugged on Bashir's uniform and pointed curiously to the image of a tattooed penis. “Doctor, does this painting have a cult meaning?" “This is not a painting, Garak, that ..." The constant buzzing that had been subliminally audible to the two men since entering the store and mixed with the background music of the business, had stopped. The woman Garak had seen the days before in the shapeless overalls came out from behind a simple room divider in the back of the shop. As she walked, she took off purple latex gloves and threw them on a small counter. “Hello, I'm Jessica. How may I hurt you?” she asked with an open smile. Jessica wore a simple, black top with spaghetti straps and knee-length cargo pants with several pockets.

Her skin was wherever you saw it, littered with various pictures. But the first thing Garak noticed was the long scar that crossed the left half of her face from the forehead to her upper jaw. Whatever had happened to her she had obviously been lucky because the woman's left eye was intact.

“Hello, my name is Julian Bashir. I am the chief medical officer of DS9 and I wanted to offer my help right from the start in case you should have a medical problem here.” He shook her hand and smiled in his inimitably naive way.

"You mean you want to check if I know what I'm doing here or if I'm going to flood your infirmary with patients." She answered emotionless. Her friendly smile was gone.

Bashir waved: “But no, I did not want to assume …” Jessica interrupted the doctor immediately. “I have received first class training in all types of body modifications offered here and have successfully completed several medical courses on wound treatment and trauma surgery for lay people. I work extremely conscientiously.” That was the end of the matter for her, and she turned to Garak. “I didn't know that Cardassians were still here. Are you interested in an ajan or tolv piercing? I have learned the practices but have never had the pleasure of applying them to any of yours?” The woman pointed to the photo of a bare humanoid male breast with pierced nipples. The Cardassian reflexively pulled his hands over his upper body.

“A very interesting idea, my lady, but actually I came in with the doctor for curiosity. I am your neighbor, I own the tailoring next door. May I introduce myself, Elim Garak.” He stretched out his right hand in a human manner.

Jessica looked at his outstretched hand for a moment too long and the tailor did not miss the tension that had taken hold of the woman. The moment passed, she took his hand and unexpectedly squeezed it hard, looked him in the eye and smiled businesslike. "Delighted Mr. Garak, I am Jessica Gunnarsson, but please call me Jessica." She quickly removed her hand and took a step back. “If that's all I want to continue. My customer is waiting.” She sauntered to the back of the shop, but Garak held her back again. “May I look over your shoulder for a short while? I am unfamiliar with this form of… art and, as I mentioned, I am curious.” Jessica thought for a moment, biting her lower lip unconsciously. Then she nods. “Well then, come on.”

“Doctor." Garak said goodbye with a slight bow and strode after the woman.

Behind the room divider, a man, a Starfleet member, as Garak suspected, was lying on a simple, padded couch with height-adjustable metal legs. His bare torso was covered with a cloth that left a square about four inches wide. There he could see the outline of a federation coat of arms, the insignia of a Starfleet ship. Jessica put on fresh gloves and picked up a small device. He recognized the buzz from earlier and was fascinated to see how the tip of the device was first dipped in colored ink and then stabbed that ink into the skin.

The Cardassian watched the process for a few minutes. The crew member went through the process quite stoically and only hissed briefly here and there. Garak cleared his throat. “Thank you for this very interesting insight, Jessica. I have to say goodbye now, my work is waiting for me. I look forward to seeing you again." She just nodded to him and continued to focus on the skin under her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.  
>  “If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!”


	2. Chapter 2

It was late. Actually, Garak hadn't planned to work so long today and instead looked forward to a glass or two of Kanar and good reading. Doctor Bashir had recommended a crime novel by a conscience Arthur Conan Doyle to him. But the hem of this unruly dress took much longer than expected and his mood darkened minute by minute.

And this din! Not much had come to him from Jessica Gunnarsson's business in the past few weeks. He had rarely met her either at the morning shop opening or in the evening when both happened to lock their doors simultaneously. She greeted him warmly each time, but never gave Garak the opportunity to start a conversation. He very much regretted this. He was interested in the subject and history of body modification, and he had been able to get a lot of very revealing information about the cultural background of these practices from the computer.

However, Jessica made it clear that she was not interested in a conversation and Garak respected it. Under no circumstances he wanted to impose himself.

But for two hours now, a cacophony of electronic screeching had filled his business, and dull basses made the glass shelves on his racks tremble.

“That's enough.” Garak tried to put the expensive dress down carefully, then left his shop and knocked on his neighbor's door. The ‘closed’ sign was already hanging on the window. 

He kept knocking, and he did it very hard to drown out the music. Finally, he grabbed the handle and opened the door. “Jessica, Jessica! Is it possible that you turn down the ... music? Jessica?” Garak entered the shop. There was no one to be seen. The noise was indescribable. How could something like that be called music? He walked through the shop slowly, not wanting to frighten the woman because her dislike for him was obvious.

The source of the noise was behind the small counter. For his ears, the man decided to turn the volume down on his initiative, quickly reached for the device and wiped over the touchscreen. The silence that followed was a relief.

The Cardassian carefully circled the room divider and shrank back from the picture that presented itself behind there to him. Jessica was sitting on a stool with wheels and collapsed over the couch. In her right hand she held the handle of a medical scalpel, her left arm was bleeding profusely and her face laid in the puddle that was forming.

Garak leapt forward, grabbed a handkerchief from a small table next to the bed and wrapped it around her arm. He took the scalpel and raised the woman. He patted her pale, blood smeared face, carefully at first, then more firmly. Finally, her eyelids fluttered.

“Jessica, wake up. I'm going to call the doctor.” The Cardassian had to let go of the woman to reach the com, but then, he feared, she would slip off her stool. He didn't want to put her back in her blood, so he carefully lifted her, kicked the stool aside vigorous, and put Jessica on the floor. “Wait a minute, help is coming.” Garak turn to the com, but she grabbed his wrist. “Not a doctor.” she said in a thin voice. Garak decided to ignore that, but unlike her voice, the injured's grip was forceful. “I don't want a doctor.” she repeated her wish. “There's a skin regenerator in the bottom drawer, please give it to me.” She let go of his wrist and pointed to the chest of drawers on the back wall of the room.

The Cardassian snorted involuntarily, then looked for the medical device in the dresser. He switched it on, gripped the wrist of the injured arm and slowly moved the regenerator over the still bleeding cuts. Jessica tried to wriggle out her wrist and reached for the device, but this time Garak prevailed. “Now keep it still.” His voice sounded irritable. “I know you can't stand Cardassians, or me in particular, but I'm helping you right now. And if you don't want me to inform Doctor Bashir after all, let me help you.”

She let herself sink back against the wall. "Fuck!" she spat, and the curse was carried to him by a cloud of alcohol.

The cuts closed quickly. Garak grabbed a clean cloth and wiped away the rest of the blood. He didn't miss the many fine, silvery scars on her entire forearm. Jessica saw his gaze and pulled her arm away from him. “Thank you for your help, you can go now, I'll be fine.” She said without looking at him. “And I would be very attached to you if you kept this incident to yourself.” Garak nodded, more to himself. “Of course, you can count on that.” he promised. “But now that I know if you want to talk …” The woman spun around and yelled at him with furious eyes: “Get out of here, go away, Cardassian. Go away!”. She slumped in exhaustion. Garak looked down at her for a moment, wondering if he shouldn't inform the doctor, but then decided to respect her request. 

“You should wash your face if you don't want to attract attention”, he advised her, then left the shop and walked slowly to his quarter. It stayed with Kanar today, he couldn't concentrate on the book. His thoughts wandered again and again to Jessica and the many old scars.

\---

Dr. Bashir hadn't really matched Garak's taste with the crime novel when it came to good literature, the whole story was very predictable and without a surprising twist, but the Cardassian had to admit that the book was somewhat entertaining.

Additional he indulged in a glass of the good Kanar and ate dates wrapped in bacon, a treat that was also recommended to him by the doctor. A successful mixture of sweet fruit and salty meat that tickled the palate.

Garak shivered a little. He went to the environmental control next to the door and chose a slightly higher temperature. He tried to adapt to the new conditions on the station and had therefore set the degree of heat for his quarters significantly lower than Cardassians loved. But today he needed more warmth.

He was still watching the display change to a higher measurement when the electrical signal from the door announced a guest. He operated the door opener manually and, to his surprise, faced Jessica. She probably hadn't expected to stand in front of him and the smaller woman shrank back two steps.

“Jessica!” Garak tried not to hide his astonishment. “I have to confess, I didn't count on you.” She shifted from foot to foot and was clearly struggling for words. “Mr. Garak, I came to apologize.” It was obvious difficult for her to ask for apology, but she looked him straight in the eye. “Garak, just Garak, my dear.” he said. “Would you like to come in?” he stepped aside and made an inviting gesture with his left. Jessica hesitated, then nodded and accepted the invitation. The door closed with a hiss and the tailor noticed the slight twitch and tension in her shoulders. “Please sit down. May I offer you a drink from the replicator. Or a glass of Kanar, I have an excellent vintage here.”

“Kanar please.” said Jessica softly. “Paradoxically, I like that stuff.” Garak bowed his head slightly and waited for an explanation for the comment, but she said nothing, and he got another glass and poured the woman Kanar, plenty of Kanar.

She grabbed the glass, gave him an uncertain smile, and took a long sip of the syrupy alcohol. The Cardassian waited patiently. She had come to him, at some point she would explain herself.

She took another sip, put the glass down, and looked at her hands, which she folded on her knees. “As I said, I want to apologize. You have been very helpful and respected my wish not to call the doctor. I would like to thank you for that, it is essential to me.” Now she looked at him from the side, her eyes slid away again and again uncertainty. “I want to make sure that this story stays with us forever. Can I rely on your discretion, Garak?”

Garak noticed that her eyes looked so much older than her face. He had thought she was a woman about 30 years old, but those eyes told him otherwise.

“Of course you can, my dear. Tell me what happened? I mean, I don't want to get too close to you and I don't want to judge, I really care. I couldn't miss the older scars and I wonder what makes a young and attractive woman like her do this to herself.”

Jessica stiffened again, her hands clenched and her jaw tightened. She shook her head and got up. “I'm sorry, I can't.” She walked past Garak towards the door. He rose to lead the woman to the door, but she turned away from him in alarm, raised her hands to protect her head, and gave a horrified “No!” by herself.

The Cardassian raised his hands soothingly and took a step back. “Excuse me, dear, did I do something wrong?” He was confused and dismayed. Despite his story, he had never triggered this reaction in any woman, and neither did he want to.

She stood there, arms raised, trembling. She whispered something, but Garak only heard a faint hiss. He walked cautiously closer. “It is over. It is over.” She kept repeating these three words. “Jessica, do you want to sit down again? I can see that they are not doing well. Can I help you in any way?"

With a jerk she took her arms down, pressed them to her side, as if to prevent your arms from going up again. She shook her head. “You can't help it, I can't help it. I shouldn't have come here." Garak wasn't sure what to do. Finally, he decided to confront her.

“I want you to sit down again.” He said quietly, took her shoulders and carefully pushed her back to the sofa. He filled up her glass and pressed it into the woman's hand. “Drink. And then tell me. If someone is afraid of me, I like to know how I achieved it.”

With trembling hands, Jessica brought the glass to her lips. She took a sip, then another. Again and again she shook her head briefly, as if fighting out an inner dialogue. Garak did not push her, but his tension increased steadily.

“I came here to apologize for my behavior when you helped me. And now I'm worsening it.” she said resignedly. “You can't help it, but you're a Cardassian, and every time I look at you, it triggers memories. Memories I don't want.” She emptied her glass.

Garak refilled and considered his next question.

“So you've had an unpleasant experience with Cardassians? I can assure you that not all of my people are the same. As with humans, there are good and bad individuals, and ...

“It was not an unpleasant experience.” Her voice was polished steel and her eyes harder than diamond. Suddenly Garak felt uncomfortable.

“It was not an unpleasant experience,” she repeated sharply, “it was hell. Do you see my face? Look closely. That has been only one of the unpleasant experiences with Cardassians.” The last sentence was a whisper. She slid off the sofa onto the floor and buried her face in her hands.

Garak was speechless. Of course there were a thousand things he could have said now, but all of it would have been wrong. He let himself slip onto the floor next to her, a little way apart, released one of her hands from her face, held them tightly and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hands.

“I would like to apologize for everything that members of my people have done to you, Jessica, but I cannot. I can't apologize for anything I didn't participate in. But I can sit here and listen if you tell me. I can let the hatred you feel go through me. Maybe you are ashamed of what has been done to you and therefore you do not want to talk to any of your people about it. If you tell me instead, the pain will return to the people that hurt you. ”

Garak waited for a response, an answer. He just sat there, holding her hand and waiting. He didn't look over at her, trying to give her as much privacy as possible to clear her mind.

A felt eternity later he sensed a pressure on his hand, and he looked at Jessica, her eyes were red-rimmed. “Can we just sit here?” The Cardassian nodded. “Yes sure.” “Garak, please do me a favor. Don't interrupt me. If you interrupt me, I may not be able to continue talking. But maybe I have to finally tell it for myself”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.  
>  “If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!”


	3. Chapter 3

"From 2342 I studied at Starfleet Academy, especially Xenobiology, a few technical courses, I did not know exactly what I wanted. I was good, and I was ambitious but completely aimless. At that time the border war was raging with the Cardassians and in 2345 many medical students were asked temporarily support the medical centers on board the ships. There were many injured, especially among the civilian population. When I volunteered, I never thought about consequences, not considered I could be in danger. I was so blue-eyed and so eager to put into practice the little knowledge I had acquired.

My assignment led me to a commercial transport ship that was converted into a temporary hospital ship. Minimal armament, underperforming shields, but plenty of space. We could bring many injured on board before the situation became so chaotic that we had to withdraw. Unfortunately, we caught the attention of the Cardassians, and two warships followed us and assailed us. Much of the crew and patients were killed during the attack, others when the ship was boarded. Some of us who made it into escape pods were captured. You are a Cardassian, Garak, you can imagine what happened next.

We were all put together in a collection cell that was much too small. There was no water, no food, and no medical care for the injured. At some point the door opened and guards grabbed the first of us. I can still remember that he was a crew member on the freighter, a young man. I never saw him again. So one by one disappeared from our prison. They got me as the penultimate.

The guards took me to a bare room with metal walls, cut my clothes off, handcuffed my hands overhead to a hook, and let me stand there. I still don't know how long, but when the interrogation began, I was so exhausted and dehydrated that I would have done or said anything just to finally get water and just be able to lie on the hard floor.

But somebody thought I might have some vital knowledge. At that time I couldn't explain myself otherwise why they kept asking me the same questions over and over again and then punishing my missing knowledge with pain.

He didn't even hurt me badly, it was the humiliations that I couldn't take. Until then, I didn't know how much I could be ashamed.

After endless hours, looking back I would say something 2 days, the Cardassian, who had "questioned" me, released my bonds. I can't say whether he was sure that I didn't have enough Starfleet knowledge to waste more time on me, or if he was even bored, but now and then it seemed to me that Questioning me served only his entertainment.

From then on, they kept me in a tiny, gloomy quarter on the ship, with just enough space for a low bed and sanitary facilities. The flowing water there seemed to me like a source of happiness for the first few days. I wasn't worth clothes to them, but it's amazing what you can be grateful for. Fresh water, a blanket and regular meals. At that time, I actually thought that if the fighting subsided, I would be handed over to the Federation as part of a prisoner exchange, it was so naive to think that the worst was behind me, so naive.”

Jessica fell silent and Garak wasn't sure if she could continue talking. He struggled with himself whether to speak to her or wait. From the corner of his eye he looked at her face, on which tears had left bright lines in the light make-up. But the woman got ahead of his thoughts. She took a deep breath and continued her story.

“So it took a few days, maybe even two or three weeks, to get bored on my bed, wrapped in the blanket, and pondering or sleeping. This poor time was interrupted only by the soldier who brought me my food. I hate Cardassian cuisine, just the smell of dried fish still makes me sick. But I didn't have to go hungry, I was warm and my body had recovered from the rigors of the interrogation after a few days, the wounds were healing.

And then everything changed. My last meal had just been brought to me, and I was dozing on my bed when the door opened and the soldier who had brought me the food tore me up by the arms, took the blanket and ground myself literally after him. I didn't fight back. Until now, I wonder if I should have defended myself. Of course, I didn't have a chance, but maybe the soldier would have struck too hard and hurt or killed me. Then I would have been spared the rest. But I didn't fight back and after a few branches and passageways we stopped at a door that opened immediately. The soldier addressed the opening Cardassian with 'Dal Ekoor'. It was the Cardassian who interrogated me at the beginning, and for a moment I feared that the questioning would continue now that I had recovered. But the room behind Ekoor that I was roughly pushed into was the Dal's quarters.

The officer had decided that I could help to pass the time until he was ordered back home, to his wife.

But it wasn't enough for Ekoor to abuse me. In the following months I suffered so many injuries that I soon no longer knew where which scar came from or which finger I had not yet broken. Ekoor's cravings were quite diverse. If I resisted, he beat me until I stopped fighting, or he tied me up. If I didn't defend myself, I was too boring. Then he tortured me with his blades and tongs until I passed out or until I struggled so that he could beat me again.

At some point I asked him to kill me. I just couldn't do it anymore and I didn't want to. That was the day I saw him smile for the first time. Ekoor smiled at me and whispered, "But you are already dead. You have been dead since you came on board.” Then he reached into my hair, bent my head and cut my face with the knife with which he had cut the meat while eating. In the following hours he cut up a lot of me.

I don't know what had suddenly changed, but that day I was taken out of Dal Ekoor’s quarters, given passably medical attention and handed over to a Starfleet ship a few days later.

It took me weeks to “recover”, but even the many treatments with skin regenerators and cosmetic surgeries could not remove all the scars. At some point I refused to make further corrections and left Starfleet. All the time in the hospital I thought a lot and I just wasn't the same anymore. Everything has changed since then.”

\---

Jessica released Garak's hand and grabbed the bottle of Kanar. She didn't bother to pour the expensive drink into the glass. She drank straight from the bottle and Garak could understand. He would have liked to do it right now.

They just kept sitting there and in Garak there was a desperate desire to take away the memory of these experiences from her.

At some point, the bottle was almost empty, Jessica cleared her throat. “I hope you can understand my doings now and excuse my behavior towards you. I know you are not to blame, but when I see your face, I see Ekoor.”

Garak nodded and rose a little stiff-legged. He paced slowly in his quarters as he spoke. He was agitated like he hadn't been in a long time. As a good Cardassian, he was loyal to the state and wanted nothing more than his return to Cardassia Prime, his home. But his people were also capable of cruelty, which made him shiver, especially because he knew that he himself was capable of cruelty, he had been. The difference between him and Ekoor was just the motive. Garak would never have thought of torturing out of lust or even boredom.

"I understand why I am causing this fear in you, and if you wish, I will endeavor to get as close to you as possible at this station." He had to clear his throat to keep a steady voice. "I don't want to trigger your discomfort. But this whole terrible story doesn't explain why you hurt yourself, Jessica. Please forgive my curiosity, but after these experiences, I just have to ask you. Why are you hurting yourself?” Garak paused and gave her a pleading look, trying to understand.

“I don't feel anything else.” she said after a while of silence

Garak cocked his head and gave her a confused and questioning look. "I do not quite understand. What exactly do you mean?”, the tailor walked over to the replicator and ordered two cups of red leaf tea. This was a tea situation. He brought both cups back to the sofa and sat down on the floor next to Jessica.

“Of course I notice when I am touched, when I push myself, or the breeze on my skin. But I don't feel it inside me. It just means nothing to me anymore, does not trigger a feeling in me.” She grabbed the cup of hot tea and blew on the steaming liquid. “But I feel pain. Pain gives me the feeling of being alive. Sometimes it is really pleasant to feel the pain flood through my body. Pain has become an essential part of my life and I understand its nature. So, my business is all about the aesthetics of pain.”

The Cardassian clasped his cup with both hands. The suffering of this woman was unusually close to him. “What about tenderness, what about sex? Are you saying you don't feel anything?” Garak was almost afraid of the answer.

Jessica shook her head. “No, I feel the physical touch, but it means nothing more or less to me than the clothes on the skin or any other random sensory impression.”, she considered for a moment and continued “unless with Pain, then I can even feel something like pleasure or joy. It is better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all, hence the many scars.” She paused again, only briefly, then put the cup down and rose.

“Garak, this conversation was very painful. Probably the most painful thing I've done since leaving Starfleet. Thank you.” He paused, “What are you thanking for?” “For your patient listening and for your persistence, the follow-up. It was time to finally say these things. I think it would be nice to talk again at some point over a bottle of Kanar, but I can't promise that I will see you differently in the future, Cardassian.” Jessica held out her hand and helped him to his feet. “I'm going to bed now, I am falling asleep. Good night, Garak.”

He stayed behind thoughtfully. Although it lacked rationality, he felt a form of collective guilt because a man of his people had been capable of this cruelty.

\---

Two days later, at lunch, Garak interrupted the verbose praise of a novel by Dr. Bashir wanted to make him tasty.

“Excuse me, my dear doctor. I appreciate that you want to bring the literature of your home world closer to me and to broaden my cultural focus. My thoughts are completely caught up in another topic today and I'm afraid I can't get them to let go of this topic.” Julian Bashir tried to smile, but the disappointment at this rejection was all too clear to see.

“But not, Garak. The book doesn't run away from us. I hope that the subject that is fogging you up is not unpleasant?”

As always, the doctor tried to hide his curiosity about everything that Garak was dealing with and kept himself busy with the Larish pie on his plate. For once, Garak was interested in letting the doctor share his thoughts.

“Well, the issue is not necessarily pleasant, but you might be able to answer a few questions that may give me a headache on the matter.”

The pie was immediately forgotten and the doctor looked at Garak eagerly. “Sure, if I can help. What are the questions?” Bashir pushed his plate aside.

Garak followed his example, leaning his elbows on the table, slowly clasping his hands and searching for the right words. “The following situation: A person survives extreme psychological and physical trauma, recovers physically, but has been using auto-aggressive means for years due to the psychological damage. Which therapy would you prefer, medication or a confrontation therapy?” Garak went over his mind again, but was then certain that he had given no reference to Jessica. When he looked up, he saw Julian's astonished expression. His mouth was open and it took him a moment to rally for an answer.

“Garak, I know you've seen a lot, but hopefully we're not talking about you now, are we? We haven't known each other for too long, but I would have to think seriously about my profession if I hadn't noticed anything.”

Garak smiled and shook his head. “But no, Doctor, I'm fine. It's about an old acquaintance that I would like to help.”

Doctor Bashir breathed a sigh of relief and his posture relaxed immediately. “I am reassured. To come back to your question: I would prescribe a light medication for relaxation to begin with and talk therapy. A confrontation should only take place when the patient is more firm and prepared for such a situation. But it can take years, depending on the impressiveness of the experience. If I can help…” Garak held up his right hand in defense.

“No, I'm afraid a Starfleet doctor would be the last one my friend would ask for help. And I don't think he would agree to talk therapy either.” His thoughts wandered briefly, his eyes fixed on the void, “What would be the worst-case consequences of a confrontation with the cause of his suffering?”

Julian thought for a moment, then nodded to himself. “In the worst case, the patient's mental condition deteriorates so much that he injures himself or even tries to kill himself. Or he directs the aggression against his tormentor, which can also lead to one or more injuries or deaths.” He looked into Garak's eyes. “Garak, this is a very sensitive topic and should never be tackled without professional support. I see a lot of potential for a serious escalation in such a situation. Think carefully about how you want to help your friend. I am happy to assist you, you know that. ”

\---

Very late that evening, Garak removed a cover from the com unit in his quarters, manipulated some circuitry, and encrypted the transmitter so that the subsequent transmissions could neither be intercepted nor traced. He closed the cover carefully and without leaving any traces and contacted an old friend.

“Garak? Is it really you? I never thought I would see your face again. Not alive.” The face of Pythas Lok was expressionless. Garak could not have said whether his friend from school days was happy or would have preferred to see him dead.

“Pythas, I'm therefore happy to see you again. It was a long time ago.” The other Cardassian nodded slowly. “You're not going to get in touch with me to reminisce, Garak. What do you want?” Garak's mouth twisted in disappointment. He had at least expected Pythas to be a little more benevolent. “You get straight to the point, still a man less word. Well then, do you know a Gul Ekoor? He is probably legate now, but he was a gul during the border wars around the time of Setlik III.”

Pythas nodded. “I know Ekoor. Not personally, but his name has attracted some attention here and there. I'm a little surprised that you don't know him. He only made it to the jagul, and he’s stuck on a post without political and military influence. He has some habits that are inconsistent with a political career, but his family has too much influence than anyone dared to act against him. What do you want from Ekoor?”

The tailor fell away from Garak and, before Pythas' eyes, he turned into the agent of yore. As if a filter had been removed that blended Garak's perception with a softer, friendlier light, the Cardassian's features hardened and his eyes could have froze boiling water. The anger in him gave his scales a dark color.

“I want to introduce Ekoor to someone who still has a bill to pay,” Garak replied. He had to control himself to stay calm.

Pythas Lok raised an eyeridge, “Could you go into a little more detail? I don't assume that you want to visit him with this 'person' on Cardassia Prime.”

“As much as I miss home, I don't let myself be carried away to such a short-sighted act,” agreed Garak. “I think I’ll have to 'invite' Ekoor to join us outside Cardassian territory. If you could tell me how to reach him, I will arrange his 'invitation'.” This thought made Garak smile dangerously.

The other Cardassian leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and fixed his old friend. “Ekoor’s family is extremely influential and their cohesion is almost legendary. If it turns out that I have allowed Crell Ekoor to happen, or that I knew about it and said nothing, then not only is my life worthless. You will take revenge on my whole family. Do you understand what situation you're putting me in, Garak?”

The former agent feared for a moment that his fine plan would fail at the first hurdle. There was currently no one on Cardassia who could help him on this matter and his confidence began to fade as Pythas continued, “I'm not saying I'm not trying to help you. Ekoor is a shame for Cardassia and the Cardassian military. But I want you to understand how dangerous such an action becomes, not only for you but also for many innocent people.”

Garak looked away from the monitor. No, he hadn't been aware of it, and he certainly didn't want to jeopardize bystanders with his plan. How much could he ask of Pythas? “Old friend, I do not ask you lightly and should you decline, I will not ask a second time. Can you give me the location of Crell Ekoor? That's all, I don't need any more help from you.” He didn't dare to face his former schoolmate, he fears rejection too much. When Pythas' voice broke the silence, Garak winced.

“I'll give you the information, Garak. And I hope you can successfully implement your plan. But no matter whether you fail or succeed, never ask me for anything again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.  
> “If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!“


	4. Chapter 4

It took the tailor more time and persuasion to put his plan into action, and he had to claim far more old favors than he liked. However, he had launched too many actions, all with the utmost secrecy, to give up now because of the costs, in the form of goodwill.

As in his good old days as an agent, none of those involved knew which other people were involved in this project. Everyone knew only their specific task and Garak had broken down his plan into so many small steps that he almost lost the overview himself.

All these efforts to prevent Ekoor from being warned early. All these precautionary measures to ensure that no bystander was put at risk, and also no party involved.

Quark seemed to suspect that Garak was planning something, the Cardassian had to ask him several times for the names of specialists for various transport activities and other tasks. The Ferengi eyed him appraising each time Garak passed the bar.

Weeks after talking to the doctor and Pythas Lok, the time had finally come. His plan had worked almost perfectly and only in one delicate situation the creativity of a freighter captain had prevented the entire strategy from failing.

All that remained now was to include the last element in his strategy. Shortly before the shop closed, he entered the 'Choice of Torment' and waited patiently near the door for Jessica, which, according to the buzzing background noise, immortalized an artwork in the skin of a customer.

After a few minutes, she looked around the room divider, raised an eyebrow in surprise, and apologized to her customer for the interruption.

“Garak, we haven't seen each other for a long time, what brings you to me?” Garak almost explained to the woman that he saw her all the time, but had tried to avoid her so as not to evoke bad memories, but the presence of a third party in the store prevented the Cardassian from indiscretion.

“Jessica, I have a request. In fact, it's probably a big request. But I'd rather talk to you privately about that. And since I am sure that my quarters are free from functional listening devices, I invite you to a glass of first-class Kanar in my modest accommodation for tonight. It is a very delicate matter, but I can assure you that it is of the utmost importance, also for you.” He looked at her intently, the tension was written on Garak's face.

Jessica laughed uncertainly. She ran her tongue thoughtfully over her upper lip and Garak noticed an irritating silvery something under her tongue. “But you don't want to explain your undying love to me now, do you?” There was uncertainty in your voice. Garak immediately turned away, “but no, Jessica, where are you thinking. In fact, it's something far less banal. Can I count on your appearance?”

The woman agreed and promised to join him after the end of her current task.

The tailor paced back and forth in his quarters. He was tense and excited. In his head he went through various ways of opening the upcoming conversation, rejected the approaches and rephrased them. He feared that Jessica would not accompany him if he revealed his plan to her too early. Perhaps the thought would deter her from facing her tormentor face to face. That couldn't happen, Garak had invested too much in this plan, it was simply staged too perfectly to end in killing Ekoor himself and Jessica never found out about it.

The buzzer finally sounded. “Open!” He ordered the computer and put on a calm expression.

Jessica entered his quarters and gave him an unsettled and curious look. “I am here. So, what can I do for you?” The door hissed shut behind the woman.

“Oh please, sit down, my dear.” Garak pointed to his couch. “I had promised you a glass of Kanar and I will not keep it from you. I also need a glass myself.” Hoping that the smile on his face could mask his nervousness, he set about pouring out two glasses. The Cardassian gathered, turned smiling and went over to the couch, on which Jessica had already made herself comfortable. The woman actually looked relaxed and even gave him a small smile when she took the Kanar from his hand.

Garak also sat down, took a deep breath and started. "Thank you for taking the time. I would have understood if you had not accepted my invitation.” He took a sip before continuing. “My request to you may seem trivial to the uninitiated, but at second glance it may take a lot of courage.” Garak paused again, still undecided how much of his plan he should reveal.

“Don't put me under torture any longer, Garak. Just tell me what this is about and I promise to think in peace before I jump up in disgust and throw the Kanar in your face.” Jessica grinned broadly and emptied the glass all at once, as she watched him over the edge of the glass.

Garak cocked his head to one side. “Well, I want you to come with me on a little trip. I can't tell you where to go. I cannot yet reveal the purpose of this venture to you and I cannot tell you how long it will take. Probably two to three days. So, I have to ask you to trust me.”

Jessica looked expectant at the Cardassian. “That's all? No further explanation? You want me to go with you somewhere without a plausible reason. It is not certain, how long we will be traveling. And you want me to trust you? You seriously expect me to trust a Cardassian with the knowledge of my background story?” She shook her head slightly and her eyes showed that this was an internal monologue and was not to be understood as an answer to his request.

Garak cleared his throat. “Would you like some more Kanar so that you can pour it in my face?”

The woman set the empty glass aside, put her arms on her legs and covered her face with her hands. Garak could hear her take several deep breaths before lifting her head back up.

“Before you tear me up in the air, I want to assure you that I won't get too close to you on this trip,” he quickly tossed into the room. “Nothing about the trip has an amorous or romantic background. I will behave absolutely professionally.”

“Garak, you have to give me some reason. I can't decide without it.”

He nodded. “You're right. That is indeed a lot to ask.” His fingers played with the glass as he considered. “But it doesn't work. I can only reveal the reason to you at your destination. I was just hoping that you would see me with different eyes, that you would not see me as just another Cardassian.” He emptied his glass and put the glass down on the table with a bang before rising abruptly and taking a few steps. “Yes, you are right, you better not trust a Cardassian. We are all the same, all monsters.”

Jessica bit her lip. “Excuse me Garak, I didn't mean to insult you. I know that you are a friendly person and I have also noticed that you are trying hard to get out of my way to make it easier for me.” She got up and went to the man with his back stood by her. “You are sympathetic to me and in the past few days I've actually thought about inviting you to dinner on the promenade deck to have a little chat.” Jessica raised her hand hesitantly, then put it on Garak's shoulder. “All right, I'll go with you. When does it start?”

Two hours later, Jessica and Garak were seated in the two single armchairs of the sparsely furnished passenger quarters of a Lissepian transport ship. Jessica looked nervous and the Cardassian couldn't blame her. This whole situation had to be a big burden for the woman. He calmed down with the thought that everything could change for her today.

When she brooded, the woman nibbled on her lower lip and then slowly licked the upper one, he noticed the silvery glitter repeatedly.

Garak broke the annoying silence. “Jessica, forgive me for tearing you out of your thoughts, but I have a personal question. I have noticed that you have a metallic foreign body in your mouth. What is it if I am allowed my curiosity?”

She looked up, startled to laugh heartily, and the tailor noticed that he had never seen her laugh before. “You mean my tongue piercing?” Jessica stuck her tongue out at the man and presented him with the hidden jewelry. A silver rod with a ball on and under the tongue. From the top ball hung two short chains with other balls, both peppered with small tips.

She allowed Garak a long look at her tongue, then closed her mouth again.

He put his head aside. “Is this jewelry only for aesthetics, or is there a practical purpose behind it?” Curiosity sparkled his eyes.

She laughed again, and he was glad to have found a subject that so obviously distracted her from her brooding.

“Oh Garak, of course it also has an aesthetic purpose, but this tongue player has practical benefits above all.” She grinned all over her face. He shook his head slightly. “I don't get it. Please tell it to me.”

Jessica smiled. “There are intimate situations where the tongue is the means of choice. Now imagine if this jewelry is used in addition to the tongue.” Again she stuck out her tongue, not as far as before, and let the tip spin in the air in front of Garak.

He opened his eyes and his eyebrows rose. “You mean …! Ohhhh ...! Fascinating thought.” Garak's eyes stared blankly for a moment. “Are there any other body jewelry that perform similar functions?”

“Would you like a general answer to this question, or are you questioning for further jewelry on me?” This question had a lurking undertone and Garak remembered his promise not to step too close to Jessica. He answered carefully. “Natural I'm interested in both, I'm a curious man. But of course I don't expect any intimate secrets from you.”

“Garak don’t let me unsettle you so easily. I'm here voluntarily and you don't have to handle me with kid gloves.” She studied her hands for a moment, then glared threateningly at him. “But don't tell anyone! This stays between us” She raised a finger threateningly and smiled again.

“I actually wear more hidden jewelry. My nipples are pierced. I wear a ring between two toes. In various parts of my body there are implants under the skin, on which I can attach magnetic jewelry. And”, Jessica hesitated and looked at the ceiling of the room. “In my intimate area I wear two more surprises.” A delicate blush blossomed on her cheeks.

Garak’s face could not hide his surprise at this admission and the time for one of his typically quick-witted responses passed without a word being spoken. He swallowed and cleared his throat. “And all this jewelry has stimulating functions?” It sounded a little hoarse. “I could imagine that such an intervention is initially extremely painful and not very stimulating.” His questioning undertone revealed that Garak's interest in this topic was far from satisfied.

Jessica nodded in agreement. “Of course the piercing is painful and the healing process has taken a few days. But the changes in ... ”, she searched for the right word. “The perception is changing, the piercing is like an amplifier. At least that's how I feel.” She had said the last few sentences quickly, too quickly. Garak suspected that it was not easy for her to talk about such an intimate theme and that she would never admit that to a Cardassian.

The woman rose and was two steps away from the small replicator unit. “Do I have to be sober when we arrive or can I treat myself to a Kanar?” Garak considered for a moment before answering her. “It takes a little over an hour before we reach our destination. You should be clear minded when we arrive, my dear, but as I estimate you so far, there are more than a few glasses of Kanar between your clear mind and alcohol-induced insanity. I could also have one.” She ordered two Kanar and handed the Cardassian a glass.

“Do you feel uncomfortable when I ask further questions that, due to your very personal connection to the subject, could be described as intimate? No, let me explain my curiosity,” he refused Jessica's attempt to answer immediately, “You made your liaison with pain clear to me and, believe it or not, I can understand that very well. My past is full of encounters with pain, in an active and passive nature. I cannot go into this for various reasons. The path you have chosen is completely foreign to me, and yet it is so understandable, so clear and of a certain elegance. I don't want to ask you out of sensationalism. I'm captivated in your 'Path of Pain', for very personal reasons.”

Jessica dropped back into the armchair and took a deep breath before fixing Garak.“I admit that I assumed an inside greed for sensation, but now you've really impressed me, damn it! There are rumors about you on DS9, rumors about your past. Suddenly they no longer sound so exaggerated. I am aware that you will never answer any questions about this, so I save myself from asking you about it.” She looked down into her glass, then took a deep sip. “To come back to your original question, yes, it is anything but pleasant for me to talk about intimacy. But pain has become so essential to my life that any conversation about pain automatically becomes a very personal conversation for me, and I don't think there is any other person in this galaxy that I like talking to as much as you do with you, Cardassian.”

Garak smiled. It became more and more likely that this trip and his plan would come to a successful conclusion. “My dear, I know how to classify this compliment and admit I'm a little proud. So now I'm going to tell you the following: Not today, not tomorrow, and not next week either, but at some point we'll talk about the rumors and me.” He rose. “Give me your glass, I feel like more.”

Garak cleared his throat after ordering another two glasses of Kanar from the replicator. “Do you think it is within the realm of the imaginable that I can have a look at your further modification as well as your tongue?” One of the seat cushions from Jessica's armchair hit the grinning Cardassian on the back of his head.

A little later, the lissepian captain reported on the com and informed them that the ship has just swung into the orbit of the target planet. Garak and Jessica grabbed their bags and made their way to the transporter room.

“When will you finally tell me why I'm here?” Curiously she eyed the Cardassian out of the corner of her eye and was surprised to see the budding of friendly affection.

Garak smiles at her. “As soon as we were beamed down and reached our destination. It is only a few minutes walk to the entrance. So, you see, I will not claim your patience for long.”

Jessica didn't give up. “Then please tell me where we're going to beam. Or is my knowledge of the destination suitable to endanger this venture?”

Garak paused. “No, certainly not. But actually you shouldn't have any knowledge of the existence of this place and I would like to be sure that I can continue to use it in the future.”

“That means I should trust you blindly in this whole story, but you don't trust me enough to tell me the aim?” There was a slight annoyance in Jessica's voice and Garak bowed his head, his eyes serious. “But not, my dear, I trust you. Unreasonably, I probably trust you now more than any other person I know,” he put his free hand on her arm, his eyes looked for hers,“ but should anyone ever look for this place and become known that you have information I want you to be able to say with unshakable certainty that you don't know anything.” Goosebumps trickled down Jessica's back, silently they continued on their way to the transporter room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.  
> “If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!“


	5. Chapter 5

They materialized in a narrow, rocky ravine and a look at the narrow strip of sky told her that they were probably on the moon of the planet visible above them. Garak immediately moved unerringly towards a crack in the rock face, which when approaching turned out to be an artificially designed passage leading into the mountain. It went steadily slightly downhill and after a bend the passage ended in front of a massive door. Garak opened a hidden keypad in the rock wall next to the door, entered a code, and held his eye in front of an opening sensor. There was a contented humming sound and mechanical noises came from inside the wall and door. Garak knocked on the metal of the door. “A massive duritanium poly alloy, nobody can get through that quickly and no sensory recordings of the interior are possible. The whole mountain is crisscrossed with duritanium ores.” He proudly pointed with one hand into the interior released from the door.

After a few meters, the passage widened to a room full of boxes and barrels, from which another passage branched off on both sides.

“Would you like to freshen up or eat something?” Garak pointed to the left aisle. “You'll find well-equipped quarters there.” But Jessica shook her head. “Thank you very much Garak, but I'm not a patient person. I finally want to know why I'm here.”

“Then please follow me.” The tailor disappeared into the passage on the right. They passed two doors that formed a kind of lock, behind it was a room of a few square meters with five motley seatings and a large closet on one side. Another door was embedded on the wall opposite the lock. However, the wall was dominated by a large window to a room that was completely dark.

The whole facility had a look that gave Jessica goosebumps on the back. She was not comfortable. “Let's sit down, please.” Garak points to two armchairs and had a bottle of Kanar in his hand as if from nowhere. “Unfortunately I don't have glasses at hand, but I guess you won't be interested in that anymore.” Jessica's uneasy feeling intensified, and she urged herself to calm down. But even Garak shifted uneasily on the armchair and seemed unable to find a comfortable position.

“As promised, I will now explain to you why I asked you to accompany me under such nebulous circumstances. I'm really glad you chose to trust me, and now I can only hope that my assumptions and decisions were right.” Garak gathered and started. “Since you've told me your story and I've been exposed fully extent of what has been done to you, including the unacceptable motivations, I've felt a form of collective guilt. It was a member of my people, and this fact pierces my flesh like a sting. I have to do something, I have to give you the opportunity to experience satisfaction. I mean, you haven't had the slightest chance of doing anything other than accepting what you've experienced and somehow living with it.“ Garak paused for a moment, wondering how to proceed. Jessica was frozen in her armchair, and he didn't want to put too much strain on her either. But there was no turning back. “I understand that there is no reparation for your suffering. But there may be a way to reconcile you with your fate. Revenge.” He reached for the control unit on the wall and pressed a button. Light flared behind the window in the adjoining room, revealing a Cardassian. He was bare, hands clasped in iron rings hanging from chains from the ceiling. His face was unrecognizable because he hung his head.

Jessica rose slowly and went to the window. She raised a hand to the cool glass and Garak kept talking. “I found Ekoor for you and brought him here. In the end, it was just as expected. He's made many enemies in his life and his inclinations ... well, you know what I'm talking about. He is unpopular.” Garak also got up and stood behind Jessica. “I left him here for you for two days, if I remember correctly, that was the time he interrogated you so.” He whispered close to her ear. “In the room there you will find a large selection of useful tools and also a weapon.”

Jessica turned her face to Garak, the tips of her noses almost touched. “And what do you think I should do now? Do you think I'll be fine if I torture Ekoor? I don't want to turn into a monster like him.” Garak turned Jessica around, touched her cheek with one hand and smiled compassionately at her. “Don't you see it, my dear. He made you a monster long ago. A monster that eats itself up, very slowly. He never stopped torturing you. I only offer you the chance to free yourself from this monster in you. But for that you have to let it out. Don't bite yourself anymore, bite Ekoor.” He stepped back, grabbed the bottle of Kanar and held it out to Jessica. “Take a sip. Consider it. It's up to you. We can go, then he will starve in a few days. You can go in there, point a gun at him, knowing that you are the last one Ekoor will see in his life and pull the trigger. Clean, short and painless. Or you go in there, examine the tools and study the pain on a whole new level.” Garak waited and watched. The turmoil in the woman's head was clearly visible on her face.

Again she stepped to the window and watched the exhausted Cardassian. “What are you doing meanwhile, Garak?” Her voice was thin. “Whatever you want, Jessica.” He considered his words carefully. “I'll leave you here if you don't want to be watched. Or I wait here as a silent witness. If you wish, I'll go in there with you. Silent, or as a consultant.” She turned to him. “What if I ask you to do it for me?” Garak shook his head. “It's your monster that we want to fight here, not mine. My fight is still ahead, but it will look different and will not be called Ekoor.”

Garak sat down again and let Jessica decide. She would have to take the first step alone.

“I want to go in there. I want to look him in the eyes, alone.” She tightened and went to the door. She hesitated at first, then gave herself a jerk and opened the room. The typical metallic cardassian body odor, intensified by the lack of ventilation, hit her and aroused memories. Jessica swallowed, closed the door behind her, and gave Garak an uncertain look through the window, then stood in front of Crell Ekoor, the man who had raped, beaten, and cut her up. She got goose bumps despite the high room temperature.

In the other room, Garak leaned to the side and operated a small switch. A loudspeaker crackled, then he could hear every sound from the cell.

Jessica reached for Ekoor’s head. She wanted to pull him back, but this Cardassian was one of the colossal kind, so all she could do was push his head to the side to look him in the eye. A jerk went through his body and life returned to the limp extremities. Ekoor’s eyes opened and fixed Jessica’s face. Then he burst out laughing until a coughing spasm interrupted him. Again he looked into Jessica's eyes, he straightened his body, stretched his arms and legs as far as the shackles allowed. Jessica took two steps back and clenched her hands into fists. “Look who we got there? I was wondering who I owe this trip to. I didn't think you would survive, Jess.” He looked at her body with greedy eyes.

“You remember me?” Jessica tried to get a firm voice, but the reaction of the bound Cardassian made the woman very unsettled.

Ekoor narrowed his eyes and smiled, then licked his lips. “How could I forget you? I have never had so much fun with a woman and none has lasted so long. I remember every minute with you.” Complacently, he built himself up in front of her, the scales on his shoulder combs turned dark, the Chu'en shimmered bluish.

“My favorite thing is to remember the moments when your body betrayed you. The moments when you moaned with pleasure and enjoyed it when I fucked you and simultaneously pulled a knife over your white skin. What did you scream then? 'Oh god, yeah!'” He mimicked her voice. Ekoor looked down at himself, then back into Jessica's eyes. He winked grinning. “Do you see how well I remember?” He purred sweetly and bared his teeth. His Ajan bulged slightly, its flaky lips opened slowly and his moist, shiny PrUT came out. “Do you remember it so well? I missed you sometimes. Have you ever had so much fun with a man again?” He laughed derisively. Jessica stood before him as if petrified.

Ekoor’s words shuddered over Garak’s back, and he was preparing to take Jessica out of the cell should she collapse. The Cardassian prisoner was worse than he imagined, an ice-cold, manipulative sadist. The tailor wasn't sure if the woman could stand up to this wickedness. He saw the tension in Jessica's body, the slight tremor. He hoped that this obvious manipulation would not affect her. Ekoor was good, no question about it, he knew how to manipulate his victims. But he was also arrogant and the all-important question, was Jessica still a victim?

With a jerk she turned and stood at the small table that was set up in front of the window in the cell. Spread out there was a selection of blades, hooks, tongs and skewers, some labeled injections and liquids with different pH values.

The collection of torture tools specially put together by Garak was chosen so that it remained exceedingly effective even without effort.

“Jess, Jess come here to me. Let's talk about old times. Jess.” 

Jessica clutched the edge of the table to hold herself up, and Garak reached for the doorknob. But after a few moments with trembling hands, Ekoor’s laughter as constant accompaniment, she raised her head and left the room. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. The laughter now came from the speakers.

“You were listening?” Her voice was tired. Garak nodded, trying to keep his mine neutral. Jessica had written on her face that she hadn't intended to ever share this secret with anyone. She had hidden this fact so deeply from herself that Ekoor’s words shook the woman deeply.

She let herself slip down the door and hid her face in her hands.

“Yes, I heard everything. And I'm glad I heard it. Everything makes so much more sense now.” Jessica looked up in panic. “My dear, if I hadn't heard it, you could continue to lie to yourself. You could keep blaming yourself and hurting yourself again and again as a punishment for surviving.”

“But he's right, at some point I gave up, allowed myself to enjoy it, didn't fight back, even played his games.” She banged her fist on the door. “If he hadn't exaggerated at some point and almost killed me, maybe I would have even fallen in love with him.”

“You survived! Finally, stop feeling guilty of something someone else has done to you. He was good at manipulating you, accept that. But now it’s in your hand, he has no power over you if you don't allow it. Get back control of what he took from you.”

Jessica had tears in her eyes when she looked up at Garak. “You don't understand Garak, I didn't hurt myself to punish myself.” Despair twisted her flushed face. “I did that because I yearn for him.” She swallowed hard and shook her head resignedly. “I don't want to kill Ekoor, I want to go in there,” she pointed with her hand in the direction of the window, “free him and go with him, even risking not to survive this decision for long.”

Garak was speechless; the feeling of helplessness had frozen him. How could he have made such a misjudgment of the situation? He should have realized that Jessica was not completely sincere about her 'confession' in his quarters, even if she hadn't deliberately lied. His ability to spot a lie had been taken worrying damage, since he was exiled to DS9.

Completely horrified by the extent of the manipulation that still affected Jessica, he looked for a way out of this situation.

“I arranged this for you, my dear. It's up to you, even if you want to let him go.” He knelt in front of Jessica and put a hand on her trembling shoulder. “However, I would like you to consider that what you currently look upon to be your most intimate wish is a product of Ekoor's most perfidious influence. I'm sure he wanted to do just that. Every pain and every tenderness, everything that he gave to and took from you was calculated precisely to cause a form of dependency in you. What you feel now is not real.” Garak rose. What could he do now other than take matters into his hands? Kanar seemed like a good decision.

“Jess! Jessica! My arms are getting tired and I would like to eat something. Can we end this game now?” The speaker falls silent again.

Jessica sat on the floor in front of the door, deep in thought, for a long time. There was no indication that Garak's words had made a difference in her.

During a felt eternity the only sound was Jessica's restless breathing and now and then a chain clatter or an annoying, long-drawn-out “Jess.” from the cell, in which the woman flinched every time. The tailor just sat there silently. He didn't want to distract the woman and did what he could do like no other, he became invisible.

Garak startled when Jessica finally got up. He couldn't tell how much time had passed, but the numb feeling in his buttocks made him appreciate several hours.

She moistened her chapped lips before speaking. “I don't know what happens if I go in there now, Garak, but” she reconsidered her decision, “I don't want you to intervene. Do you promise me that?”

He cocked his head to the side and looked at Jessica, trying to see what plan she had made. “You still seem undecided, my dear. I'm not sure I can just leave you to your fate.”

She went up to him, crouched in front of his armchair and took his hand. “Garak, I'm undecided. And I have no idea if I still have my will when I go in there. But it became clear to me that I don't want to continue as I have done so far. However, this ends today, everything is better than the current conditions. So, again, please promise me not to interfere?” She looked him straight in the eye.

Garak nodded. “Very well, I promise” He squeezed her hand.

Jessica got up, then went over to the door without hesitation and entered the cell. Garak's hands clasped the armrests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all questions about Cardassian anatomy, especially the reptilian sexual organs, I have followed the invaluable informative and detailed xenobiological work “Speculative Cardassian Reproductive Xenobiology” by tinsnip, published by “AO3 - Archive of Our Own”.
> 
> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.  
> “If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!“


	6. Chapter 6

Jessica closed the door behind her and then leaned back against the cold metal, head bowed. Before she faced Crell Ekoor, she wanted to gather first so as not to show any weakness. She raised her eyes to start to speak, which she had rehearsed in her head and repeated several times, but her eyes met his. He had been staring at her since entering his cell and smiled smugly. No word came over Jessica's quivering lips.

Ekoor was not so speechless. Erected confidently, he stood in front of her in his bonds. “Jess, there you are again. It took you a long time. What's next now? Let’s get it over with, I don’t want to wait anymore.”

She stretched her chin out in the hope of giving her voice the strength it needed. “If it were up to Garak, I would torture you as long as possible before I kill you.” Ekoor gave a short, bad mood laugh. His eyes wandered briefly to the window before his eyes drilled into hers again. “And considering how you have influenced my life over the years, I have to agree with him there.” She turned to the table and picked up a slim, long knife with an excellently ground blade. Slowly Jessica turned around again and looked at the elegant grain of the Damascus steel in her hand. “On the other hand, I cannot see animals suffering and I redeem them immediately if necessary. I am tempted to redeem you like an animal. I just want to get it over with.” She stepped right up to him, pressed the blade with its point to his throat against his chest and whispered so that Garak could not hear next door. “And yet, despite what you did to me, my conscience tells me that it would not be right. I don't know if that makes me a particularly good or a particularly stupid person.” Jessica looked him straight in the eye as if looking for an answer in there. His eyes softened. "Have you considered a third option? Can't it easily be that you feel something for me after all?” Ekoor came closer with his head and looked at her mouth. His lips closed and offered her a kiss.

As if mesmerized, she stared at his Lips and noticed, confused, how she was stretching her body towards him. Jessica jerked her head back and pushed the blade an inch higher. The tip pierced Ekoor's skin and little dark drops emerged.

The blood roared in her ears, and she felt her heartbeat in her head. Jessica became dizzy and the desire to lean against the man in front of her quelled the impulse to run away.

Smiling confidently, the Cardassian stood over her. The woman heard his voice as if through a thick fog. “You don't want to admit it to yourself, especially not to witnesses. But in the end you just want to be mine again, even if that contradicts your federation morale. I am not resentful, Jess. If you can forgive me, then …”

His voice was replaced by a wet gurgling, a gush of warm, sticky blood pulsed from Ekoor's severed throat and splashed Jessica in her face, still holding the handle of the long knife with both hands. Holding her breath, she watched through the rain of blood as the Cardassian's eyes broke, the large body lost tension and then sagged. The shackles prevented her from being hit by Ekoors body, but a weakening fountain of blood still came from his throat and soaked her clothing down to her skin.

Jessica winced as one hand lay on her shoulder and another clasped her hands with the knife. She blinked several times until she recognized Garak through the red veil, who was looking at her with concern.

“My dear, do you hear me?” He must have asked her this question more than once because when she nodded his face relaxed noticeably.

“Give me the knife, you no longer need it now.” Garak carefully extracted the blade from her and simply dropped it in the dark red puddle on the floor.

The tailor directed her out of the cell through the door and into the lock. Jessica followed Garak apathetically through the narrow rock passage into a kind of living area and into a small bathroom.

“Jessica, you should undress and shower. Can you manage that alone?” She nodded briefly and her glassy eyes tightened somewhat. She looked down at herself and was startled as if only now that her clothes were soaked in Ekoor's blood. With a disgusted look she awkwardly tore at her slippery top.

Garak discreetly turned away. “If you need help, my dear, please let me know, I'm behind the next door and meanwhile get you new clothes.”

It took the woman a long time to get rid of the greasy clothes and even longer to wash all the blood from her hair and the rest of her body under the lukewarm water jet. When the water finally stopped turning pink from blood, she left the shower trembling, wrapped the only towel around her body, and tiptoed around the pile of blood-stained clothes and her own greasy, auburn shoe prints.

In the living area of the quarter, Garak was waiting with some clothing on his arm. He put it down and left the room with the message “I'll get us a drink quickly.”

Jessica got dressed. She had to turn the sleeves and pants legs up a bit and luckily there was a belt in the bundle of clothes. Apparently Garak hadn't found shoes, but a couple of oversized, very thick socks complement the ensemble.

The Cardassian came back with a fresh bottle of Kanar and some Starfleet field rations.

“Don't ask me where I got it from,” he said with a wink, “but it's the only edible thing I could find quickly. Would you like 'Meatballs in white caper sauce' or something called 'Italian pasta dish'?“

She reached for the noodles. “I don't like capers,” she explained. They ate in silence and after a few bites, Garak began to puff the sour, spicy balls out of his meal.

The meal and two glasses of Kanar later the man broke the silence.

“How are you, my dear? I'm a little worried. Your ... solution to the problem surprised me.” Jessica felt his eyes but was unable to look back.

“Honestly? I don't know. I feel numb or detached from my body. Remote controlled. Tired. I think I just want to lie down on the bed and sleep. Is there time for that? When will we be picked up?”

Garak nodded. “You're in shock, that's no surprise.” He pulled a pad out of his pocket, tapped it, and got a response a short time later.

“If I give the signal now, our ship will be here in nine hours at the earliest. Lie down my dear. Meanwhile, I have a lot to do. Please call me if you need anything."

The captain of the Lissepian freighter reported to Garak, who was just hiding some pads of important information in a secret compartment in the side wall of his cave bunker. “Garak, you should be where I started in 20 minutes. Should I beam down the cleaners first?”

Jessica shouldn't know who was involved in this extremely illegal operation, he shook his head vigorously before submitting his answer. “No, please beam us up first. You can drop my team off, when we left the transporter room. We will be there in 20 minutes.” The Cardassian ended the communication and went to the living area to pick up Jessica.

The woman was still lying on the bed, curled up in a blanket, and sleeping. Garak touched her shoulder cautiously at first, but she slept soundly. Finally, he shook harder and the woman's eyes opened. “We have to leave, Jessica. Our ship is arriving shortly.” She looked at him sleepily and her eyes betrayed confusion. But then she nodded and started to stretch her limbs.

She got up, went over to the bathroom and opened the door a crack, noticed her blood-stained clothes on the floor and quickly closed the door again. “I guess it doesn't matter what I look like, is it?” This question was not for anyone, but Garak decided to answer, “My dear, the daring arrangement of your ensemble completely detracts from the rest of your appearance, and if we do Entering the station again, I'm looking for a quiet way to the quarters.”

Jessica followed Garak back through the corridors and up to the dim surface of the moon. Without saying anything else, they waited for the transporter beam to catch them.

When the freighter set course for DS9, the two were already back in the guest quarters that the two had also had available on the outward journey.

The Cardassian cleared his throat after many minutes of silence. "My dear, I think I don't have to mention this fact explicitly, but you mustn't talk to anyone about what happened today." He watched her closed face. “Except for my humble minority, of course.”

Jessica only nodded casually and Garak tensed.

“I don't think you understand, my dear. I'm not worried about federation law.” He leaned forward, took her hand, and pressed it hard. “With my help, you ended the life of a member of an extremely influential Cardassian family prematurely. And although I have done my best to make his disappearance a mystery forever, I must be able to rely on you to remain silent. Our two lives depend on it.”

The woman looked at him and returned the handshake. “Excuse me Garak if I seem absent to you. There is a lot of going on in me at the moment, but even if I appear to be unfocused, I am absolutely aware of the danger. I promise you, it will remain a secret between us forever.” She took her hand back, sat up as the chair allowed, and stripped away the drowsiness that had covered her head like a thick cloud since she woke up.

“Garak, I have to let this whole thing sag first, it looks so surreal. And I think at some point I will need to talk to them about it. About how and why you made it possible. But not now, it rattles in my head like in an old engine and suddenly life feels different.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you, Garak, thank you so much. That must be enough for today.” She lifted her feet on the armchair, adjusted the pillows and closed her eyes.

Epilogue

The door buzzer tore Garak out of his brooding over another literary recommendation from the dear doctor. Since they met regularly for lunch, the young man's enthusiasm to make Terran culture tasty to him had taken off. In return, Garak tried to give the human a differentiated view of subjects such as truth and lies, and right and wrong. He still had a long way to go.

Full of verve, the Cardassian rose and ordered the computer to open the door as he strode to the exit.

Astonished, he raised his eyes. “Jessica! My dear, I am delighted to see you. I was afraid you have left the station forever. Enter.” Garak stepped aside to clear the way for the woman.

He hadn't seen her since returning home seven weeks ago, and her business was closed with a reference to a trip. He truly hadn't expected to see the woman again.

Jessica stepped out of the dim corridor, past Garak into the only slightly brighter quarter. She turned and beamed at him. Only now the man noticed the change. “Jessica, the scar …” She nodded brightly.

“Garak, I am so grateful to you. And I have so much to tell!” She looked around the quarters. “Can we talk?”

Garak took the hint and nodded, smiling. “We have no unwanted listeners. Sit down and report. I just take care of the Kanar."

“I'm so sorry I disappeared without a word, Garak, believe me. I have thought of you a lot throughout the weeks because I owe it to you that I finally feel like a person again. At first, I only wanted to disappear from the station for a few days to come to terms with the new situation and everything that led to it. And then something clicked and I went to a Starfleet rehab facility.” She sipped the Kanar. “I had every scar removed. Some nerves damage due to injury was repaired and I agreed to a few sessions of talk therapy.” She saw Garak's horrified look and quickly put a hand on his knee. “Don't worry my friend, I avoided the real reason. I blamed a new love for my change of mood, and the therapist was eager to believe me.” Garak relaxed again and smiled happily at Jessica.

“My dear, I'm so glad I could help you. That reconciles me a little with the atrocities that my people are sometimes guilty of.” His eyes grew serious. “You just called me 'friend' …”

Jessica put a hand over her mouth and opened her eyes. “I didn't want to get too close to you, I know you are a reserved man. I didn't want to… I would just be happy if you could see me as a friend.” She leaned back a little. “You know so much more about me than others and I like you.

Garak held up his hands in defense. “My dear, you misunderstood me. It's just that you're probably the only one who would call me a friend. It is unusual for me.”

Jessica held out her glass to Garak. “Well then, let's toast to friendship!”

They talked animatedly as the hours passed, only interrupted by Rom, who delivered a new bottle of Kanar and a few snacks, not without pointing out that Quark was charging extra for this service.

“Garak, I think I owe you thanks and I’m used to paying my debts.” Garak waved it off. “You don't owe me anything. Eliminate this thought once and for all.”

Jessica smiled. "Are you sure? Do you remember our conversation on the flight to the moon? They were interested in my piercings.” Jessica stood up and held out a hand to the surprised Garak. “I would be willing to share another secret with you.”

The Cardassian raised an eyebrow and nodded. “I see,” he said slowly. “Well, if that's the case, I don't want to plunge you into conflict of conscience, and I accept paying your debts.”

He took her offered hand and pulled Jessica onto his lap with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.  
> “If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!“


End file.
